Episode 11 - The Rules That Make the Game

Toye Oyelese

Hey, welcome back to Navvy Tales! It's Dr. Toye, here in Kelowna. So far, you've found your Direction — which way you're headed — and you've dropped your Anchors, the tiny things you hold onto on hard days. But now we hit the trickiest problem of all: staying the same person from one day to the next. Here's what I mean. On Monday, your Let's-Go part makes a great plan: "Tomorrow, I'm going to start my project!" But then Tuesday comes, and your fun-loving, right-now part goes, "Ehh, let's just play instead." And the plan? Gone. So how do you keep that from happening? Not with willpower — willpower runs out. You need something stronger. You need Rules. Now, I know. Most of us hear "rules" and think: boring. Chains. Stuff that stops you from having fun. But hang on — I want to flip that around. Think about your favorite game. Soccer, tag, a board game — whatever you love. Every single one is FULL of rules, right? You can't touch the ball with your hands. You can't peek during hide-and-seek. You can't move your piece just anywhere. But here's the thing: without those rules, there is no game. It's just chaos. The rules are what make the game fun. They create the field you get to play on. Your inner rules work the exact same way. They're not chains. They're what let your whole team of characters play together, on purpose, all heading the same direction. Part Two — Your Three Kinds of Rules Now, not all rules are the same size. There are really three kinds, stacked from the outside in. The first kind are your Fences. These are the rules that protect you from stuff outside that wears you down. Like, "No screens after eight," or "I don't get sucked into drama texts right before bed." A fence keeps the draining stuff out — it guards your Battery and backs up your Stand-Up-For-Myself part, the one that protects your space. The second kind are your Game Plan rules. These are your everyday "do this" rules that keep you moving toward your Direction. Like, "I finish my homework before video games," or "I pack my backpack the night before." These keep your Get-It-Done part pointed at what matters. And the third kind are the deepest and most powerful: your Who-I-Am rules. These aren't about tasks — they're about who you are. Things like, "I'm a person who keeps my promises," or "I tell the truth, even when it's hard." Here's how you can tell them apart. When you break a Game Plan rule — say you played video games first — you feel a little annoyed with yourself. No big deal. But when you break a Who-I-Am rule — like breaking a real promise — it hurts way deeper. It makes your Who-Am-I part feel shaky and wrong, like you weren't quite yourself. That's how you know it was a core one. Part Three — Keeping Your Word to Yourself Now here's the part that really matters. Every time you break a promise to yourself — even a tiny one — a little part of you is watching. Your Open-Up part, your trusting part, quietly learns a lesson: "Hmm. The person in charge of me... doesn't really keep their word." And if that keeps happening? Your whole inner team stops trusting the coach — which is you. And when nobody trusts the coach, the loudest, grabbiest character just takes over every single time. Your life turns into one big pile of "whatever I feel like right now," instead of choices you actually meant to make. So here's the trick: you do NOT need a hundred rules. That never works. You just need a few really good ones — and you actually keep them. Because think about what a rule really is. It's a promise from today-you — calm, clear, thinking straight — to future-you, who might be tired, cranky, or distracted. When you keep that promise, you're being a good friend to your future self. And little by little, your whole team learns something wonderful: "Our coach keeps their word. We can trust them." That's what holds you steady when everything else is changing. So if you remember just one thing today, let it be this: rules aren't there to boss you around. They're the promises your mind makes to itself, so you can stay you even when life keeps changing. I'll be right here next time to keep navigating with you. Take care, and give your inner house some gentle attention this week. See you on Navvy Tales!